Have you ever woken up one day and realized that the personal vision you had for your life doesn’t fit anymore? Maybe it’s a new goal that feels completely out of left field. Maybe your career ambitions have shifted in ways you didn’t see coming, and suddenly, the life you’ve been building doesn’t feel like your life anymore.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Back in 2021, I found myself in the middle of exactly this kind of upheaval. I was working my dream job as an ER supervisor during the COVID-19 pandemic, halfway through a DNP program in Health Innovation and Leadership, and living with my long-term partner. On paper, everything was right. Stable career? Check. Big academic goal? Check. Long-term relationship? Check.
But inside? I was struggling.
Because out of nowhere, I couldn’t stop thinking about moving to the Netherlands.
It started as a quiet, nostalgic thought. I’d lived there before as an au pair, and I had good memories. But this time, it wasn’t just nostalgia—it was a pull I couldn’t shake. I started obsessively watching YouTube videos about Dutch bike infrastructure and brushing up on my Dutch with Duolingo. I read Curbing Traffic (it’s on my Systems Thinking Reading List, by the way), which made an academic argument for everything I loved about living there. I booked a trip to visit friends, and once I was back, I couldn’t stop daydreaming about what life in the Netherlands might be like.
This wasn’t some small “what if” daydream. It was a major disruption to the life I had built and the future I had carefully mapped out.
When Your Vision Shifts, Everything Feels Unstable
I spent months wrestling with this new desire, and it felt like my brain was at war with itself. I knew deep down that my life wasn’t working for me anymore, but acknowledging that meant confronting some huge, uncomfortable truths. The relationship I had been in for over a decade no longer felt aligned with what I wanted. The professional path I’d been following no longer lit me up.
This is the part of career discernment no one talks about—the part where it feels like you’re falling apart because the life you worked so hard to build doesn’t feel like yours anymore.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that trying to force clarity or push through discomfort doesn’t work. So instead, I let myself sit with the mess.
Step One: Sit With the Discomfort (Yes, Even When It Sucks)
Ask yourself: Where am I feeling pulled in a new direction? What parts of my current life feel out of alignment? What is this shift trying to tell me about who I am becoming?
It’s okay if the answers aren’t clear right away. I didn’t have all the answers when I was sitting on my couch, rewatching videos of Dutch bike lanes like a weirdo. But giving yourself the space to reflect without judgment is where growth happens—and where you can begin to reconnect with your wellbeing as a nurse.
When Goals Feel Conflicting: My “All or Nothing” Trap
The hardest part wasn’t just that my vision was changing—it was that my new goal (living in the Netherlands) seemed completely at odds with everything else in my life. I wanted to be a healthcare changemaker, but how could I do that while living abroad? My partner made it clear he didn’t want to move. My career was based in the U.S. What was I even thinking?
For a while, I let myself spiral into all-or-nothing thinking: I either had to give up my dream of living abroad or let go of my carefully built career and relationship.
But once I stopped catastrophizing, I realized something important: Conflicting goals aren’t a dead end—they’re an invitation to get creative.
Step Two: Find Where Conflicting Goals Intersect
I started by asking: How can living in the Netherlands enhance, not replace, my professional mission of helping nurses lead systemic change in healthcare? I realized that the Dutch design culture—the thing pulling me so strongly—wasn’t just about personal fulfillment. It was a professional opportunity.
The Netherlands is internationally lauded for its innovative, human-centered design, especially when it comes to transportation and community development. What if I could immerse myself in that environment and bring those design principles into my work with nurses?
This exercise of finding creative overlaps is something I do with my clients in Innovative Career Coaching. Write down both of your goals side by side. Then brainstorm connections, even if they seem far-fetched. No bad ideas at this stage—just possibilities.
For me, one possible connection was working for a health innovation company in the Netherlands. That way, I could expand my changemaker skill set, gain international experience, and bring those insights back to my work with nurses.
Once you have a few possibilities, you can start exploring them.
Step Three: Take Small, Low-Stakes Steps
I didn’t wake up one day and decide to move halfway across the world. I took small steps: researching health innovationcompanies in the Netherlands, brushing up on my Dutch, and even imagining what it might be like to live in different cities. These weren’t huge, life-changing decisions—they were small experiments that let me “try on” the idea without overwhelming myself.
And once I realized how excited I was by these small steps, I knew I was on the right path.
Step Four: Embrace the Messiness of Change
Let me be clear: This process was messy. I moved across the country with my partner before ultimately ending the relationship. I stayed with my dad in California for months, figuring out my next steps. And there were plenty of nights where I felt like I was making a huge mistake.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Messy doesn’t mean wrong. It just means you’re human. Change is supposed to be uncomfortable—it’s the price of growth.
Eventually, I applied for my visa, moved to the Netherlands, and landed a job in the health innovation space that aligns perfectly with my professional mission. I’m not sharing this story because I have all the answers. I don’t. I’m still figuring it out. But every time I’ve followed my curiosity, even when it felt irrational, it’s led me somewhere better than I expected.
Why Nurse Wellbeing Requires More Than Just Self-Care
When we talk about nurse wellbeing, it’s easy to focus on self-care routines like bubble baths or mindfulness apps. But here’s the truth: true wellbeing requires deeper reflection and alignment with your personal vision. If you’re stuck in a job or life path that feels misaligned, no amount of meditation is going to fix that.
For me, taking the time to reevaluate my goals and adjust my career path was the most meaningful form of self-care I could have given myself. And this is exactly what I help my clients navigate—crafting careers that feel sustainable and fulfilling in the long run.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Stuck—You’re in Transition
If you’re feeling stuck, remember this: It’s not a dead end. It’s just a transition. And transitions are messy, uncomfortable, and confusing—but they’re also where the magic happens.
If you’re in the middle of a vision shift, take some time to reflect. Get curious. Find where your goals intersect. And take small steps toward what feels exciting, even if it doesn’t make sense yet.
I’m not perfect, and I don’t have it all figured out. But what I do know is that the life I’m living now—working in health innovation, running Nursing the System, biking to board game nights with friends—was worth every uncomfortable moment.
I’m sharing what I’ve learned (and what I’m still learning) with you because I believe in the power of being honest about the messy middle. If you’re on a similar journey, I’m rooting for you.
And if you’d like more personal lessons, reflections, and frameworks, you can join my email list and listen to more stories like this on the Nursing the System Podcast.
I promise I’m figuring this out right alongside you.
Commentaires